REGRET AND SHAME?
Having regret is wishing you hadn’t done something. It can also be thinking that you may have missed out on an opportunity. You might regret that you didn’t take a chance on something because of your drinking. Or you can regret doing something while drinking that you wouldn’t have done if you had been sober. Shame is different. It’s that feeling deep down that makes you feel that you’re a bad person, because of things you have done. In turn, you may feel unworthy of happiness or good things. You don’t think you are worth it. In the end, both shame and regret are thoughts. They are simply how we think about ourselves and our actions, but they aren’t who we really are. Many people use alcohol to numb their feelings. While you’re drinking it’s easy to put negative thoughts to the back of your mind. But when you quit drinking, you’re required to feel your feelings. And you’ll probably get flooded with lots of new emotions. For some people, this is a brand-new feeling and can be a very difficult part of recovery. It takes time to figure out how to work through these feelings, and it isn’t always easy. We can’t change the past. But what’s cool about recovery is that we get to grow from our past mistakes. This allows us to move forward and do the next right thing. We get to make a better future for ourselves, without alcohol. And that’s exciting. But how?
Recognize your thoughts–When a regretful or shameful thought comes into your head, notice it. Is there a specific time of day, place, or person who brings up these feelings? If so, you might need to adjust some people, places, or things in your life. This might not be forever, but as you work through your feelings about the past, you’ll figure that out for yourself. Only you know what you are comfortable with. You are the one who has to do the work.
Accept the past-Remember, your thoughts about the past are that thoughts. Whatever happened in the past is done. You can’t change it. But you can change the way you think about it.
Get closure-If you need to, apologize to people who you may have hurt. Doing this can bring you closure. It might also bring you closer to that person. It’s human nature to remember the negative, but you might be surprised. Sometimes what we remember as being a bad situation, isn’t even something other people remember at all. You could be being hard on yourself for nothing. But you’ll never know if you don’t try.
Talk to someone -Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Therapy can be beneficial for people to work through the hard things.
Although it feels daunting, you are capable of getting to a place in your life in which you can own and be grateful for your past. Good or bad, those times caused you to be who you are today. And remember, your thoughts are only thoughts. They aren’t your reality. And only you have the ability to change your future. If you or someone you love is suffering from an addiction to drugs or alcohol, help is waiting at Jorgs Ark Centre is in Limuru an area called Tigoni and Kiambu along Riabai road. Call us on 0721712968 or 0713692848 to speak with a member of our admission staff.