When Esther Wangari Hahanyu, 46, was diagnosed with the mental disorder 20-years-ago; she too did not understand what afflicted her. Now, she hopes more people could lender their support to sufferers. She tells her story:
“One morning in 1998, just before tea break, I suddenly took off from the office building where I was working and began running down the street in Westlands, Nairobi.
My colleagues were dumbfounded. I didn’t know it at the time but I was hallucinating. Someone called my grandfather who found me in a restaurant down the street and took me to the hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Bipolar is a mood disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs.
I was just 25 at the time and was just settling in on this journey that is adulthood. My elder sister has battled schizophrenia, a chronic mental disorder, for a long time and I remember, when I was younger, wondering what it was like to see the world through her eyes.
Now, upon diagnosis, I was afraid that I had gotten exactly what I had been praying for.
HEREDITARY
The weeks following my diagnosis were confusing and terrifying. I wondered whether my life as I knew it was over.
Would I still be able to work? Would I be able to make something of myself? Would I be able to lead a life that I would be proud of?
The bipolar disorder symptoms did not appear abruptly. I remember when growing up, my mother repeatedly told me to be wary of alcohol and drugs.
She told me that I was susceptible to addiction because of my family genes.
I thought they were just words of a mother not wanting her daughter to drink at the time but I found out later, when I was about 21, that they weren’t.
I began experimenting with alcohol in 1994. I had just finished college and got a job at a bank in Isiolo, a town far from my home in Nyahururu. I was lonely.
ALCOHOLISM
I didn’t know many people in Isiolo so when I wasn’t working, I would drink.
I got arrested twice that year for being drunk and disorderly because every time I drank, I became very agitated.
The next year, I changed jobs and moved to Nairobi where I made new friends.
Now, with a little more money to spend, I stopped drinking spirits and began drinking brown bottled beer.
At the point where I had my first major bipolar episode, I had a drinking problem and would drink beer even for breakfast.
I came to learn later that I had probably been battling with the mood disorder for a while and I had been drinking as an escape, as a way of self-medication. It’s for this reason that I never dismiss anyone as just a drunk.
It was after my diagnosis that a doctor recommended I stop drinking, something that I struggled with but finally managed to do the same year.
RELAPSE SYMPTOMS
I think losing my job because I had become unpredictable had something to do with me making the decision to quit drinking and standing by it.
In retrospect, I wish my employer had tried to understand my situation more.
Bipolar isn’t like having an infection that you get medication and get cured from. It’s a life-long affliction that you learn to manage and live with.
I have been on at least two sets of medication to manage my moods since I was diagnosed.
I had my second major episode where I lost touch with reality in 2003 after I gave my life to Christ and prayed a lot. And thinking I was healed, I gave up on my medication only to relapse.
I can now tell when a relapse is looming and deal with it before it sprouts. My first symptoms usually is insomnia.
If I can’t sleep, I know that trouble is on the way. I also get very hyperactive; I have very high energy levels and get the most grandiose of ideas.
RAISING AWARENESS
Being on medication is a lifetime commitment. One of the side effects of mood stabilising medication is a large appetite.
To stay healthy, I am cautious about my diet and I exercise three times a week without fail.
In the process of taking care of myself, I have formed an online community in the form of three health and fitness groups on social media where I am an admin.
I work as an office administrator with a government ministry. I went back to school to study public relations and I use this knowledge to run various health and wellness campaigns on social media.
I like to think that I am now in a good place. I am not married and I do not have children yet, but I am finally dating someone who understands my condition.
In the past, I dated men who would be happy with me during the good times but would not want to commit during the unstable times.
I am excited to see where this relationship will take us.
BE A FRIEND
I am telling this story so that people may gain better understanding of mental illnesses.
I know, its human nature to be afraid of or even hate the things we do not understand. Instead of dismissing someone as a ‘mwenda wazimu’ (mad man) or telling a patient to snap out of it, how about trying to understand their condition better?
When your friend has a head- or toothache, you do not tell them to snap out of it, you take them to the hospital. I long for a world where mental illness will be seen for what it is, an illness.
Original post from nation.co.ke